Time. Such an elusive construct. Last week, I posted my weekly goals and I can honestly say the only thing I accomplished was my school work, and that was a struggle. Let’s just say at 8:00 pm on Sunday night, four hours before my paper was due, I threw out all the research and started over. After a panicked couple of hours, I submitted what I considered the worst paper in the universe and called the week finished. Apparently, the paper wasn’t that bad as I only missed three points.
On fiction writing front, I ended up writing a single paragraph on Reverie. I was having difficulty syncing my time and motivation to get work done. I haven’t accomplished much this week as I was sick for the majority of it, so my goals are getting to feeling better and concentrating on my school work. Next Monday, I’ll be back to posting my weekly goals, though they will be a bit less ambitious.
As for time, I need to realize I have less of it than I did six months ago. While time management does play a minor role in my lack of writing time, the honest truth is learning takes up a large portion of my time now (though I am still wasting a lot of it). Being sick the past two days has given me time to sit back, relax, and not focus on anything, and I’ve realized that I’m not really wasting the time I’m not spending writing, I’m doing things that are important to me at the time.
It’s all a matter of perspective, do I want to get this draft finished? Well yes I do, but I don’t want to sacrifice my lifestyle and personality to get it done. Sometimes vegging out on the couch watching TV or playing a video game is what I need to do. I shouldn’t have to feel guilty for not writing. I have fallen into the practice of listening to what works for others and comparing my progress to theirs instead of following what works for me. While I realize if I don’t sit down to write, I won’t write anything, but the same is true if I force myself to write when I’m exhausted or wanting to do something else. As I have stressed many times, I need to remember that writing is only a part of who I am and I can’t sacrifice the rest of me to build up the writing aspect. I know that when I push myself too hard writing becomes a chore and I lose part of my voice, because my writing voice is me, it’s my personality and life experiences combined with my imagination. So moving forward, I am going to allow myself not to write and I’m okay with that. I refuse to feel guilty for living.