Malcolm Stone, Reverie

On the right track?

After I finished the final ending chapter on Reverie, I went back through the manuscript to see if I was missing any major parts.   As I was combing though the pages or my special marks indicated I wanted to add something, but I just didn’t have the inspiration to finish it at the time.  I found a large gaping plot hole.  I neglected to ever develop the relationship between Malcolm and Nyssa.  I skipped from the first date to their breakup.  I have been working on this oversight for the last week.  I haven’t gotten far as I haven’t been devoting the necessary time, before I got too far along I wanted to share a sample of what I have written.

During this process I discovered I needed to include a love scene, which by the way I have also discovered I am not very good at writing.  This is the real reason I left this large section out on the first run through.  I am sure there is a deeper reason for why I don’t feel super comfortable writing these types of scenes, but I’m going to blame it on believing what happens in the bedroom should stay in the bedroom (much like Las Vegas) or it could be a fear of sounding cheap or sleazy.

Please leave some feedback, I’d like to know if I am heading the correct direction.

      I went back down the stairs and poured myself a second glass of wine.  Since Nyssa and I had started seeing each other I had noticed how much I drink.  I had consciously started cutting back.  I wanted to be at my best for her.  I figured she would be a while, so I pulled went to the piano bench and grabbed the piece I had been working.  I settled down at the table in the breakfast nook with my glass of wine, a sharp pencil, my recorder and the music in front of me.  As I was listening to the recording I had made and writing out the notes, I noticed my mind wandering to the woman upstairs.

     She and her daughter had managed to sneak their way into my heart.  Nyssa and I had only been “dating” each other for a little over a month.  This was our first full weekend together.  We hadn’t even been intimate with each other.  We had kissed on a few occasions and held hands like school kids, but neither of us had attempted to take our relationship to the next step. I was hoping it was just due to lack of alone time and not lack of interest.

     I had started a pot of coffee, in hopes to help me concentrate on the music instead of Nyssa.  The wine was exasperating my attraction to her intoxicating personality.  The coffee wasn’t helping much, but it was not making it any worse.  I was on the second cup when the buzzer went off.  I stopped the music and took a deep breath preparing myself into a professional role.

     I slowly opened the door.  She was laying peacefully on the table with the white sheet hugging her every curve.  My breath caught momentarily in my throat.  She looked like a goddess.  She lifted her head slightly and smiled.  I pulled the sheet back from her shoulders and folded it to her lower back.  I warmed the oil on my hands then I placed them on her back.  A warm sensation flooded my body as the light jasmine sent floated up from her skin and her body relaxed under my touch.


5 thoughts on “On the right track?”

  1. I definitely think you’re on the right track here, as it doesn’t sound tacky, and you’ve talked about his feelings very well.

    Minor editing stuff: I would take out ‘with each other’ and just write ‘we hadn’t even been intimate’. The reader assumes its with each other 🙂 A piece that might help your general editing / flow is Freya Robertson’s post on editing: She’s a fantasy author but has published romance novels under a different name. It has definitely helped me a lot.


    1. Thanks Zee! (for your honesty and the links)
      I realized there would be some rewrites with flow and word choices. I hammered this little section out in the last 20 mins of my lunch break yesterday and didn’t want to spend more time on it if I were way off base! 🙂


      1. Yeah, I figured it was first draft or thereabouts, cos my writing always needs more ‘flow’ at that stage, too.

        All the best with it 🙂


  2. I have to agree with Zee. You are certainly on the right track. I feel like the atmosphere and the emotional thoughts of the characters are sometimes more important than the actions themselves.


    1. I am glad to see I am heading in the right direction. Last night I decided to go outside my comfort zone and write a short piece of erotica. Its harder than I thought, but I thinknit will help with writing this much tammer scene 🙂


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